Hello, my name is Heidi cat(herine)...
...and I am a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist.
I grew up idolizing Angela Bower, Joan London, and Ally McBeal. I did everything right to get the best grades to get into the best schools so I could kick start a kick ass career.
Becoming a high powered business woman meant gaining the independence and financial freedom I saw on TV. Concrete jungles were my happy place, especially when I was wearing a killer pair of heels and sipping a soy latte as I rushed from place to place.
Underneath the facade, I was exhausted, drained, and powerless over my life.
I was letting my career dictate my value. I used outside forces like my education, degrees, title, and employers to boost my resume and self worth. As a result, criticism from my boss or an uncomfortable run-in with a competitive coworker could send me in a tailspin of insecurity.
I was constantly tired. I felt like I deserved a reward simply for surviving the day. I waited all week for the weekend to come. And when it did, I was consumed by recovering from the week that just happened while mentally preparing for the week to come.
I was living to work. I had no idea who I was or what made me happy.
Then one day in the middle of a venting session, a friend made a comment that changed my life. "Maybe you're one of those people that aren't meant to be happy.” That couldn't be right. I realized things had to change.
Ok, let's be real.
At this point in my bio, I used to begin talking about how I took control of my life and from then on everything was unicorns, palm trees, and rosé. I used to talk a lot about being "authentic", but underneath it all I was simply trying to convince myself I was the person that everyone else needed me to be.
This is the time for me to be the person I need me to be.
The 2016 Election has cracked so many of us open. I'm beyond inspired by Me Too, She Persisted, Time's Up, and all the leaders, activists, and allies who stand firmly in their convictions and express themselves with intelligence, passion, and grace.
I'm in awe of anyone that is so unapologetically themselves: Adam Ripon, Erika Jayne, Lauren Duca, Brittany Packnett, Ira Madison, Iyanla Vanzant, and so many more that I'm having a tough time curating a representative list.
My life isn't perfect. But it's a lot better than it used to be and more importantly I'm in a much better headspace. You're still going to catch me with a soy latte (now decaf), and a corporate job (at least until my student loans are paid off), though after a series of running injuries I now adore a good flat (hello, Toms).
How the rest of it plays out...well, only time will tell. This site is meant to be a relatable conversation of figuring it all out. It's not a promotion of who I am already, but an exploration of who, underneath it all, I can become.
This is me.