I'm in a fragmented state of mind
I’ve missed you.
Life has been chaotic.
Though that’s nothing new. Life is chaotic.
What is new is a whole lot of travel - some for leisure and some for work.
So for the sake (and courage) of transparency, I’m going to share what’s been going in my head. I’m sure at least one of you can relate. And you, my darling, are my focus.
When life gets busy or stressful, my masculine energy dominates. I become absolutely focused on the next urgent task/event. And when it’s over, my introverted nature takes chargeas I wait for my energy to return.
I thought I was doing a great job with these blog posts. I think maybe I got 2 out on a consistent weekly basis until I hit a block. Not quite writer’s block. But I wasn’t even emailing my business coach to check in. And when she did check in, I had nothing. Singularly focused on the next goal.
Fly to Boston. Catch the bus. Get my wisdom teeth out. Recover.
Get cleared to fly again. Laundry. Pack. Recover.
Fly to Philadelphia. Big Meeting. Big Presentation. Big Dinner. Fly home. Recover.
Laundry. Pack. Drive to Asheville. Recover.
Drive home. Recover.
Laundry. Pack. Fly back to Boston.
When I say recover, I truly mean recover. Wisdom teeth aside, there’s usually some combination of wine, chocolate, and netflix and me in a horizontal position my head resting on a luxurious pillow. Some people might call this self-love or to those still holding on to the Parks and Rec days, it’s a "Treat Yo Self" day. But it hasn’t felt like love or a treat. It feels necessary to survive.
When I finally got on a call with my business coach she geniusly pinpointed that she could feel my energy was like a dotted or dashed line. Fragmented. Even the way I was talking, which all of a sudden I was very aware of.
Slow. And. Unsure.
And I realize this is even coming through in my writing.
What I realize is that this extreme focus has brought extreme energetic highs and lows. Actually, what it brought was a whole bunch of starts and stops. It’s like I’ve been playing a month long game of Freeze Tag with myself and everything else fell out of focus: finalizing my relocation, yoga, exploring Charleston, meeting new people, and writing to you.
But I’m here now. Sharing my journey. And consciously bringing the flow into the Freeze Tag that has become my life. Still fragmented but more aware. Learning. And it’s ok!
Because as I’ve said before life isn’t perfect, it’s Wildly Imperfect! And the sooner we come to terms with that, the happier we all will be.